Court-Ordered Co-Parenting
Counseling in California

When parents remain in serious conflict after a separation or divorce, the consequences rarely stay contained between the adults. Disagreements about schedules, communication, boundaries, school, medical decisions, activities, new partners, money, or differences between households can become recurring sources of conflict.

Co-parenting counseling provides a structured setting for addressing these problems.

The objective is not to repair the former couple relationship or revisit everything that went wrong in the marriage. The work is focused on the parenting relationship that remains.

The goal is to help parents reduce unnecessary conflict, communicate more effectively, make child-focused decisions, and develop workable ways of managing the responsibilities they continue to share.

Co-parenting counseling differs substantially from couples therapy.

Couples therapy ordinarily focuses on the intimate relationship between two people. It may involve attachment, trust, emotional injuries, intimacy, communication, or whether and how the relationship can continue.

Court-ordered co-parenting counseling begins from a different premise: the intimate relationship has ended, but the parenting relationship continues.

You do not need to reconcile with your former partner, resolve every grievance from the marriage, or develop a close relationship with one another for the work to be useful.

The focus is narrower: how the two of you will function as parents now.

At times, understanding the history of the relationship is clinically relevant because old patterns continue to shape present interactions. When we examine that history, however, the purpose is to understand and change what is happening now rather than to reopen the marriage.

Many parents entering co-parenting counseling have already been told that they need to “communicate better.”

That instruction is often too vague to be useful.

Effective co-parenting does not necessarily require frequent communication, emotional closeness, or agreement about everything. In highly conflicted situations, more communication can create more opportunities for conflict.

We look instead at what communication is necessary, what is not, and how necessary information can be exchanged with less friction.

That may mean learning to make a clear request without attaching an accusation. It may mean responding to the question that was asked rather than the history surrounding it. It may mean creating expectations about when and how parents communicate. And it may mean recognizing that certain subjects no longer need to be debated.

For some parents, progress allows for greater collaboration. For others, a lower-contact and more highly structured approach may be more appropriate.

The structure should fit the needs of the family rather than an idealized version of what divorced parents are supposed to look like.

One of the central objectives of co-parenting counseling is reducing children’s exposure to conflict between their parents.

Children can become involved in parental conflict in ways that are obvious and in ways that are considerably more subtle.

They may witness arguments or tense exchanges. They may be asked to carry information between households, questioned about what happened with the other parent, exposed to criticism of a parent, asked to keep secrets, or placed in a position where affection for one parent feels disloyal to the other.

Children may also begin monitoring their parents’ emotional states and adjusting their own behavior accordingly.

Part of the work is identifying these dynamics without turning the conversation into another argument about blame.

The more useful question becomes:

Before treatment begins, I review the applicable court order and relevant information concerning the parenting arrangement.

I generally meet separately with each parent initially. These meetings allow me to understand the history of the co-parenting relationship, areas of current conflict, each parent’s concerns and goals, and circumstances that could affect whether or how joint sessions should occur.

We then establish a defined set of treatment goals.

Joint sessions are structured around specific co-parenting problems rather than becoming an open forum for every unresolved disagreement between the parents.

We may take one issue at a time, identify the interaction that repeatedly causes difficulty, and develop a more workable process for handling it.

The emphasis is on moving from accusation and reaction toward clearer communication, boundaries, agreements, and behaviors that can be used outside the therapy room.

Progress means developing a more effective way of handling disagreement when it occurs.

I provide court-ordered and voluntary co-parenting counseling online to parents anywhere in California. Each parent joins from a separate location, so the two of you do not need to share a room or a waiting area.

Separated parents often prefer it that way, and for some families it is the format that makes joint sessions workable. Physical distance can lower the intensity of a difficult conversation and keep attention on the parenting problem being addressed. Online sessions also make scheduling simpler when parents live in different cities, keep different work hours, or alternate weeks with the children.

Sessions take place on a secure telehealth platform, and the structure is the same as in the office: separate initial meetings, defined treatment goals, and joint sessions organized around specific co-parenting problems. Both parents need to be physically located in California at the time of each session.

If the court order specifies in-person counseling, or if the initial assessment indicates that a different format is needed, we settle the format before treatment begins. In-person sessions remain available at my office in Hermosa Beach.

Some separated parents disagree occasionally.

For others, disagreement begins to organize much of the co-parenting relationship.

A schedule change becomes an argument about respect. A missed message becomes evidence of a larger pattern. A disagreement about an activity turns into a dispute about parenting ability. An exchange that should take several minutes affects the family for days.

At that point, resolving the individual dispute is rarely enough. Another one simply takes its place.

The work becomes identifying the process that repeatedly turns ordinary parenting problems into larger conflicts and changing that process.

A disagreement about soccer practice may not require a determination about who behaved badly six months ago. It may require a clear procedure for scheduling activities that affect the other parent’s parenting time.

A dispute about an unanswered message may not require agreement about whether someone was intentionally disrespectful. It may require an agreed method and timeframe for responding to information about the children.

The objective is to make conflict less powerful in the family’s life.

Joint co-parenting counseling is not appropriate in every case.

Before beginning conjoint work, I assess circumstances that may affect the safety or appropriateness of the treatment format, including domestic violence, coercive or controlling behavior, threats, significant substance use concerns, restraining orders, and other conditions that could interfere with safe and meaningful participation.

When a protective order is in effect, California law generally does not permit a court to order parents to participate in counseling together, and treatment is structured accordingly.

High conflict does not by itself make co-parenting counseling inappropriate.

The question is whether treatment can be structured in a way that permits both parents to participate meaningfully without increasing risk to either parent or the children.

When it cannot, a different intervention or treatment structure may be necessary.

Court-ordered counseling requires particular clarity about confidentiality, treatment records, communication with attorneys, and the therapist’s role in relation to the court.

Before treatment begins, both parents receive an informed consent specifically addressing court-involved co-parenting counseling.

We review the scope of the work, expectations regarding communication, treatment records, requests for information, contact with attorneys or other professionals, and circumstances under which information may or must be disclosed.

A court order requiring participation in counseling does not make me an advocate for either parent.

I maintain the same professional role with both parents and do not use treatment to determine who is the “better” parent or to provide one parent with an advantage in the underlying litigation.

Questions concerning the legal effect of a court order, custody, parenting time, or other legal rights should be addressed with the appropriate legal professionals.

If you have been ordered by the court to participate in co-parenting counseling, please provide a complete copy of the applicable court order when contacting my office.

I review the order before scheduling treatment to determine whether the requested services fall within the scope of my practice.

When the referral is appropriate, both parents will receive information regarding the intake process, required documents, fees, scheduling, confidentiality, communication policies, and expectations for participation.

Court-ordered counseling may not have been something either parent chose.

The work can nevertheless be productive.

The purpose is to develop a more functional way of managing the parenting relationship that remains.

To inquire about court-ordered co-parenting counseling, contact my office or schedule a consultation.