Regina Abayev, JD, LMFT · Hermosa Beach, CA
"You can have control or you can have connection, but you cannot have both."
— Terry Real
Couples
Therapy
Love is not a permanent state of enthusiasm; it is a conscious commitment that often gets buried under the weight of life. If you have reached a point where you love each other but can no longer reach each other, the work starts here. This is an active, inclusive practice for couples who are done circling the problem and are ready to address it head-on.
Most couples who
come here are stuck
Stuck looks different for every couple. One person may be leaning in while the other has one foot out the door. There is resentment that has been building for years that nobody has named directly. The needs have diverged and neither person knows how to say that without it becoming an accusation. Whatever brought you here, we work together to figure it out.
If any of this sounds familiar, you are in the right place.
"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable."
— David Augsburger
What couples
therapy actually is
Couples therapy is a structured process for understanding what is actually driving the pattern between two people and changing it. It is not mediation, it is not taking turns talking, and it is not advice. It requires both people to grow individually, develop a more honest understanding of themselves and their partner, and decide what they can accept and what they cannot.
Sessions require comfort with difficult conversations. Conflict, anger, grief, intimacy, sexuality, desire. All of it can be addressed here with respect and without judgment. My doctoral training in clinical sexology means the full range of what affects a relationship is within clinical scope. Couples can bring the whole picture into the room.
I am a vocal and active presence in sessions. I notice things and name them. I challenge patterns as they emerge. If I see a move that is designed to control rather than connect, I will stop you and point it out in real time. From the first meeting, I will ask you to do something differently.
I am deeply invested in helping couples move from stuck to connected. That is what this practice is built around.
"Regina had asked us to consider how we should handle resistance to change and pointed out that each of us was waiting for the other person to do something different. At some point she asked us to put together a summary of how much time and money we had spent with other couples therapists over the last few years. Something about seeing it laid out like that finally made us realize that we were wasting time and money if we weren't willing to change and do the work."
Couples Client
"Conflict is the beginning of consciousness. It is the moment where we stop projecting who we want our partner to be and start seeing who they actually are."
— Harville Hendrix
"We came in rough shape and were on the verge of separating. There was so much anger and resentment between us that the relationship had become toxic. Regina was incredible. She really held each of us accountable for our own behavior in the relationship and helped us work through the resentments each of us were carrying."
Couples Client
Training and
background
My clinical training spans the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and Relational Life Therapy. I am a trained mediator and a former structured finance lawyer. I know how to hold a room under pressure, structure a process that feels chaotic, and help people make decisions they can stand behind.
Learn more
about each area
Couples come here for many different reasons. Find the area that fits where you are.
This practice is affirming and welcoming to LGBTQ+ couples, queer relationships, and all relationship structures.