You are here because
something in your relationship
needs to change.
Regina Abayev, JD, LMFT·Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist #148775·Hermosa Beach, California
Couples therapy in Los Angeles, and online across California.
I work with couples who want to protect, repair, or strengthen their relationship. You may be facing recurring conflict, emotional distance, loss of intimacy, betrayal, financial strain, a major transition, or a decision about the future. Couples therapy offers a private, structured setting to address these concerns directly and develop a more workable way of being together.
I work to understand each partner’s experience and how the relationship functions between them. That includes how conflict develops, what remains unresolved, and where each person has the ability and responsibility to change what happens next.
My clinical work draws on Emotionally Focused Therapy, the Gottman Method, Relational Life Therapy, Accelerated Resolution Therapy, and doctoral training in clinical sexology. I am also a trained mediator with advanced mediation and dispute-resolution training. This preparation supports focused work with high-conflict dynamics, communication breakdowns, sex and intimacy, infidelity and betrayal, financial conflict, and consequential relationship decisions.
"The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships."
Esther PerelAreas couples often need help with
This practice works with couples at every stage, from those hoping to strengthen a good relationship to those facing serious questions about what comes next.
Understanding what happens between you.
I begin by getting to know each of you, both individually and as partners. I want to understand your history together, what each of you brings into the relationship, and how your experiences and expectations influence the way you respond to one another. I am interested in what each of you is trying to accomplish, what you are afraid might happen, and how your efforts to protect yourselves may be contributing to the difficulties between you.
I share my observations as we work, including things that may be uncomfortable to hear. I don’t assume both partners contributed equally to every problem, and I’ll say so when one person bears more responsibility. Understanding both perspectives does not require treating every behavior as equally reasonable or every grievance as equally justified. I can recognize the vulnerabilities behind someone’s behavior while still holding that person accountable for its impact.
I am active in sessions. If you begin having the same argument in my office that you have been having at home, I may interrupt to examine what is happening between you. We look at how the conflict begins, what each of you hears in the other’s words, where the conversation goes off course, and what makes it difficult to respond differently. I want you to understand the dynamics of your relationship well enough to recognize them as they happen and begin making different choices.
If You’ve Tried Couples Therapy Before
Many couples come to me after working with one or more therapists. They may have learned to communicate more carefully, gained insight into their histories, or become better at describing their feelings. Yet they continue to have the same arguments, and the changes they make in therapy rarely hold when they are upset with each other.
Insight does not always translate into different behavior. A person may understand why they withdraw during conflict and still shut down the moment they feel criticized. Another may recognize that their anger pushes their partner away but continue to escalate when they feel dismissed. And some couples have spent considerable time examining their communication without adequately addressing the behavior, breaches of trust, or unresolved grievances that keep bringing them back to the same place.
I want to know what you have tried, what helped, and what was missing. We build on the work you have already done while examining the issues that remain unresolved. I am particularly interested in what happens when the two of you are under emotional pressure, because that is often where your understanding of each other is hardest to put into practice.
Before becoming a therapist, I spent 19 years working in law, finance, and technology, including roles involving complex negotiations, business leadership, and consequential decisions. That experience gives me an understanding of the professional pressures, financial circumstances, and competing responsibilities that can influence intimate relationships. In my clinical work, I draw on that perspective alongside my training in couples therapy to help partners understand their differences, address difficult dynamics, and make thoughtful decisions about their relationship.
Sessions take place in a private office in Hermosa Beach, with a view of the Pacific.
Questions couples often ask
What is couples therapy?
Couples therapy is a structured clinical process for understanding the pattern that has developed between two people and changing the conditions that keep it in place. It is not mediation, and it is not simply an opportunity to take turns speaking. The work asks each partner to examine how they respond under stress, what they have learned to expect from close relationships, and how their histories, beliefs, and unspoken assumptions shape the relationship.
What does couples therapy help with?
Couples therapy can help with recurring conflict, communication breakdowns, emotional distance, loss of physical or sexual intimacy, betrayal and infidelity, financial conflict, high-conflict dynamics, major life transitions, and uncertainty about the future of the relationship.
Couples therapy can also support partners preparing for marriage or navigating relational difficulties associated with major life transitions, blended families, or individual histories of trauma. I offer separate services for discernment counseling and co-parenting counseling when those approaches are more appropriate to the circumstances.
What is your approach to couples therapy?
I pay close attention to how conflict begins, where communication breaks down, and what each partner does in response to the other. I do not treat either person as the problem, but I am direct about behavior that is damaging the relationship and the responsibility each person has for changing it.
Does Regina Abayev work with LGBTQ+ couples?
Yes. I work with LGBTQ+ couples and welcome people of all gender identities, sexual orientations, and relationship structures. Therapy begins with the relationship in front of us rather than assumptions about what a relationship should look like.
Does Regina Abayev offer telehealth couples therapy in California?
Yes. I offer couples therapy by telehealth throughout California, as well as in-person sessions from my office in Hermosa Beach.
How long does couples therapy take?
The timeline depends on what brings you in, the history of the relationship, the severity of the current distress, and each partner’s ability to participate openly in the work. Some couples notice a meaningful shift within the first several sessions; others need more time, particularly when they are rebuilding trust after betrayal, addressing longstanding conflict, or making consequential decisions about the relationship.
The initial sessions establish a clear understanding of the concerns, the relationship pattern, and the work ahead. From there, we develop a focused plan that fits the needs of your relationship. When weekly sessions are not enough, couples intensives offer concentrated half-day and full-day formats.
Further reading
The specific signs a relationship has moved past what the two of you can sort out alone, and what to expect from the first few sessions.
What each major couples therapy model believes, what it does well, and where it falls short.
Recruiting the therapist, selective compliance, using sessions as evidence, and waiting for your partner to change.
Trust and Discretion
I work with people whose professional and personal lives often involve sensitive circumstances. My practice is private-pay, and I do not submit claims to insurance companies. I take confidentiality seriously and am attentive to the discretion my clients expect when discussing complicated personal, professional, and financial matters.
Ready when you are.
Sessions held in person in Hermosa Beach and via telehealth throughout California.
Let’s Begin Regina Abayev, JD, LMFT · Hermosa Beach, CA · info@reginaabayev.com