Regina Abayev, JD, LMFT · Hermosa Beach, CA
"You can have control or you can have connection, but you cannot have both."
— Terry Real
Couples
Therapy
Most couples who come here are not failing. They are stuck. What they built together still matters, and neither person knows what needs to happen next to find their way back to each other. This practice works with all couples — straight, queer, and everything in between.
What you built
still matters
Stuck means what you built together still matters, and somewhere along the way the two of you lost the ability to reach each other. Love is not a permanent state of enthusiasm. It is a conscious commitment, a daily decision to stay connected despite the friction of life.
People come to couples therapy at very different moments. One person is leaning in and the other has one foot out the door. There is resentment that has been building for years and nobody has named it directly. Someone is exhausted from being the one who always initiates repair. The needs have diverged and neither person knows how to say that without it becoming an accusation. Whatever the configuration, the common thread is that something that once worked has stopped working, and neither person knows what needs to happen next.
Whatever brought you here, you are not alone in it.
"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable."
— David Augsburger
What couples
therapy actually is
Couples therapy is a structured process for understanding what is actually driving the pattern between two people and changing it. It is not mediation, it is not taking turns talking, and it is not advice. It is deep relational work that requires both people to grow individually, develop a more honest understanding of themselves and their partner, and ultimately decide what they can accept and what they cannot.
Relationships are the central organizing force of most people's lives. They shape how we feel about ourselves, how we function at work, how we parent, what we believe is possible. I am a relational therapist. I spend 15 to 20 hours a week helping people have healthier relationships with themselves and with each other.
This work requires comfort with intensity. Conflict, anger, grief, the conversations most people have been circling for years without landing. I am at home in that territory. My doctoral training in clinical sexology means intimacy, sexuality, desire, and communication are fully within my clinical scope. Couples can bring the whole picture into the room.
I am a vocal and active presence in sessions. I notice things and name them. I challenge patterns as they emerge. From the first meeting, I will ask you to do something differently. The work begins on day one.
Most of the couples I work with have seen other therapists before coming here. Many have spent years and significant money trying to find traction. The feedback I hear most often is that this is the first place where accountability felt real, where both people were genuinely held, and where real change happened.
After thousands of hours in the room with couples, I have seen most of what relationships can produce. I know what moves this work and what keeps people stuck.
"Regina had asked us to consider how we should handle resistance to change and pointed out that each of us was waiting for the other person to do something different. At some point she asked us to put together a summary of how much time and money we had spent with other couples therapists over the last few years. Something about seeing it laid out like that finally made us realize that we were wasting time and money if we weren't willing to change and do the work."
Couples Client
"Conflict is the beginning of consciousness. It is the moment where we stop projecting who we want our partner to be and start seeing who they actually are."
— Harville Hendrix
Where the real
work lives
Most people don't leave a relationship because of a single blowup. They leave because of the slow accumulation of a thousand small, unaddressed resentments. The death of a relationship is rarely a sudden event. It is a slow erosion of kindness, replaced by the silent walls of "fine."
In every disagreement there is a hidden need. The goal of therapy is to start hearing what the argument is actually about. That requires a structured process, genuine accountability from both people, and a willingness to look honestly at what each person is bringing to the dynamic.
A relationship is a living thing. If you are not feeding it, it is starving. Apologizing does not mean you were wrong and your partner was right. It means you value the relationship more than you value being right. Most couples know this intellectually. Getting there in the room, under pressure, is the actual work.
"We came in rough shape and were on the verge of separating. There was so much anger and resentment between us that the relationship had become toxic. Regina was incredible. She really held each of us accountable for our own behavior in the relationship and helped us work through the resentments each of us were carrying."
Couples Client
The experience
behind the work
My clinical training spans the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and Relational Life Therapy. I am a trained mediator and a former structured finance lawyer. I know how to hold a room under pressure, structure a process that feels chaotic, and help people make decisions they can stand behind.
Sessions are substantive and move with intention. You will leave each one with something concrete to apply before we meet again.
The work is specific
to what you are dealing with
Couples come here for many different reasons. Each area below has its own dedicated page. If you are not sure where to start, the consultation call is the right place.
This practice is affirming and welcoming to LGBTQ+ couples, queer relationships, and all relationship structures.
Every couple started
with one session
You have read enough to know whether this feels right. If it does, the next step is simple.