Lack of Intimacy | Couples Therapy | Regina Abayev, JD, LMFT
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Lack of Intimacy

Finding your way
back to each other

Intimacy is what turns coexistence into connection. It is the difference between managing a relationship and feeling truly seen, understood and close within it.

Let's Work Together
Intimacy couples therapy Hermosa Beach

Feel Close
Again

With intimacy, a relationship feels warm, alive, and deeply connected. You feel known, valued, and close in a way that makes life feel fuller. Without it, life can still run smoothly on the surface, but the connection fades. It's lonely. You feel disconnected from the person who should know you best. And that distance is where resentment starts to grow.

What Gets in the Way

Accumulated resentments that never got fully addressed.

Two people who stopped being on each other's team.

Desire and needs that have shifted over time and never been talked about honestly.

The slow creep of boredom and distance that neither person knows how to reverse.

A rupture that was patched over but never repaired.

The approach
to intimacy work

I am trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy, the Gottman Method, and Relational Life Therapy. Each addresses a different layer of what gets in the way of closeness, and together they give couples a way of working that is both practical and deeply informed by how relationships change.

EFT

Emotionally Focused Therapy helps couples understand the emotional patterns beneath the surface of conflict. What looks like anger or withdrawal is usually something more vulnerable underneath. EFT creates the conditions for partners to express what they need in a way that invites connection rather than defensiveness, and over time builds the kind of safety that makes intimacy possible.

Gottman Method

The Gottman Method focuses on the everyday habits that determine whether a relationship stays strong. It gives couples concrete tools for managing conflict without damaging trust, for turning toward each other in small moments, and for building shared meaning over time. These are the skills that stop a relationship from running on autopilot.

RLT

Relational Life Therapy brings directness to the process. It helps couples see clearly what is keeping them disconnected and gives them honest, specific tools to change it. RLT focuses on rebuilding respect, accountability, and genuine engagement, so that both people can show up in ways that invite closeness.

In Session

What we address
together

Most couples know something is wrong. The harder question is why, and what to do about it.

01
Uncovering the Protection Strategies
Every couple develops patterns over time. In session we look at what is driving them, where they are getting in the way, and how to build more direct ways of reaching each other.
02
Rebuilding Emotional Safety
When two people feel genuinely safe with each other, honesty becomes possible and closeness follows. We focus on creating that safety so both people can show up without editing themselves.
03
Understanding Love and Desire
Love seeks safety. Desire seeks aliveness. My doctoral training in clinical sexology means we can work with the full range of what intimacy involves: emotional connection, physical closeness, sexuality, and desire. Nothing needs to be edited out of the conversation.
04
Moving from Avoidance to Engagement
Connection is a practice, not a feeling that arrives on its own. We build concrete habits for staying close and turning toward each other, so that intimacy becomes something you actively lean towards rather than something you wait to feel.

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable."

— David Augsburger

The goal is a relationship where you feel seen, wanted, and genuinely connected to the person you chose.

Begin the Work

The distance
can close

This practice serves couples navigating intimacy issues in Hermosa Beach, Manhattan Beach, the South Bay, and across California via telehealth.

Let's Work Together

Other areas of couples work

Communication and Conflict Physical Intimacy and Desire Betrayal and Infidelity High-Conflict Dynamics Discernment Counseling Pre-Marital Counseling Co-Parenting Couples Intensives