You can have control or you can have connection, but you cannot have both." — Terry Real

Real Work for the Life You Share

If you belive that the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships, then you’re in the right place.

We are often told that if it’s "true love," it should be easy. But the reality of a long-term partnership is that it holds everything: our history, our stresses, our financial disagreements, and our deepest vulnerabilities.

Whether you are just beginning to build your foundation, feeling the distance of a relationship that has drifted, or wrestling with a betrayal that has shaken your ground—you are not failing. Relationships are simply the most complex thing we do.

But love alone isn't always enough to make them work. You need a way to understand what is happening between you, and the skills to change it.

A Distinct Approach to Partnership

I Don’t Just Listen. I Intervene. Many couples fear therapy will be a weekly hour of venting that leads nowhere. My practice is different. I view relationships as a dynamic system. My role isn't to be a referee; it is to help you see the pattern you are caught in—the criticism, the shutdown, the silent resentment—and give you the tools to stop it in real-time.

We Move From Blame to Ownership. The biggest breakthrough in couples work happens when we stop focusing on what your partner is doing wrong, and start looking at your own contribution to the dynamic.

This isn’t about pointing fingers. It is about empowerment. As long as you are waiting for your partner to change, you are stuck. When you become accountable for your own reactions, your own tone, and your own defenses, you suddenly have the power to change the relationship.

Experience You Can Trust. I have worked with hundreds of couples—from those building a new foundation to those navigating the brink of separation. A significant part of my practice is built on referrals from former clients who have seen the difference this work makes. I view this as the highest form of trust: the work we do here creates real, visible change.

Conflict & Communication Transformation

Why You Keep Having the Same Fight (And How to Stop)

It is exhausting to feel misunderstood by the person who knows you best.

When conflict takes over, it rarely feels like a simple difference of opinion. It feels like a threat. You find yourself trapped in a loop: one of you shuts down, the other escalates; one criticizes, the other defends. You end the conversation feeling unseen, unheard, and further apart than when you started.

This isn't just "bad communication." It is a protective cycle.

Understanding Your Pattern

When we feel triggered, we don't act from our most mature, grounded selves. We act from our survival instincts—strategies we likely learned early in life to keep ourselves safe.

  • We Withdraw: Numbing out or walking away to avoid the heat.

  • We Attack: Using criticism or blame to regain control.

  • We Comply: Giving in just to keep the peace, while resentment builds silently.

These strategies worked for you in the past, but in your relationship, they are the very walls keeping you disconnected.

How We Change It

My work goes beyond teaching you "I statements." We dig into the mechanics of your conflict to dismantle the loop entirely.

Slowing Down the Reactivity

We can’t fix what we can’t catch. I help you slow down the interaction so we can spot the exact moment you get triggered. Instead of reacting on autopilot, you learn to pause, regulate, and choose a response that invites connection rather than pushing it away.

Closing the Gap Between Intention and Impact

One of the biggest sources of pain in relationships is the gap between what you mean to say and what your partner actually hears. I pay close attention to the verbal and nonverbal cues—the tone, the body language, the unspoken energy—to help you decipher the real message underneath the words.

Owning Your Part (Accountability)

Conflict transforms when we stop focusing on what our partner is doing to us, and start looking at what we are bringing to the dynamic. I help you take accountability for your own protective strategies so you can stop waiting for your partner to change and start changing the dynamic yourself.

  • We'll prioritize understanding the dynamic between the two of you and the underlying patterns that contribute to your challenges, rather than focusing on individual blame.

  • We'll work to uncover the emotions and unmet needs for connection that drive your interactions, recognizing that most conflict is really about connection.

  • We'll engage in a collaborative exploration of your individual experiences and how they influence the relationship, creating a space where your insights are valued.

  • We'll focus on improving communication by paying close attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues, helping you decipher the unspoken messages and emotional undercurrents that can derail understanding.

  • We'll integrate skill-building, psychoeducation, and evidence-based models (strategies that actually work) to equip you with practical tools and strategies for managing conflict, enhancing communication, and fostering intimacy.

  • We'll emphasize finding ways to repair and find your way back to each other after missteps, working towards a renewed sense of hope and the potential for growth within your relationship.

Infidelity Recovery

Moving Through the Crisis of Betrayal

Infidelity is not just a relationship issue; it is a rupture of reality. Discovering an affair can feel like an earthquake, leaving the betrayed partner devastated and the unfaithful partner overwhelmed by guilt, shame, or confusion.

You are likely experiencing a flood of emotions—rage, grief, numbness, and obsessive questions about the past. This is a crisis. And it requires a crisis-level response.

A Sensitive, Structured Approach

My approach to infidelity recovery is not about assigning blame or rushing to "forgive and forget." It is a sensitive, yet highly structured process designed to stabilize the relationship so you can make clear decisions.

I provide a non-judgmental space where we can look at the hard truths. Whether you ultimately decide to rebuild a new marriage together or separate with respect, the goal is to move you out of the trauma and into clarity.

Depending on your needs, our work will focus on:

  • Crisis Stabilization: In the immediate aftermath, emotions are volatile. We work to stop the spiraling, establish safety, and set boundaries to manage the overwhelming "flooding" of emotions that makes daily life feel impossible.

  • Constructive Disclosure (The Truth): "Trickle truth"—where details come out slowly over time—is often more damaging than the affair itself. I guide you through a structured process of honesty. The betrayed partner needs to know the scope of what happened to regain their sanity, and the unfaithful partner needs a safe container to be fully accountable.

  • Understanding the "Why": Once the crisis has settled, we move into the complexities. We explore the vulnerabilities in the relationship and the individual factors that opened the door to infidelity. This isn't about blaming the victim; it’s about understanding the mechanics of the betrayal so it never happens again.

The Philosophy of Repair: Kintsugi

My approach to healing is influenced by the Japanese art of Kintsugi—the practice of repairing broken pottery with gold lacquer. The philosophy is simple: the break is not something to hide; it is a vital part of the object's history.

We cannot repair back to a "prior state." The relationship you had before the affair is gone. Trying to pretend it didn't happen or forcing things back to "normal" doesn't work.

Instead, we work to rebuild something that honors your past while creating something entirely new. The "gold" in our work is the new capacity for radical honesty, accountability, and intimacy that we build in the aftermath of the crisis. We don't erase the scar; we integrate it into a relationship that is different than before—often stronger, more conscious, and more resilient.

  • Addressing the immediate emotional upheaval, managing intense reactions, and providing tools to cope with the fallout of the betrayal.

  • Understanding the context of the infidelity, the motivations or vulnerabilities that led to it, and how it has impacted both partners.

  • If you decide to work on the relationship, developing steps to rebuild trust, transparency, and communication.

  • Guiding you through the difficult process of forgiveness (if chosen) and exploring what reconciliation might look like.

  • Helping you navigate a respectful separation if that is your choice, and processing the grief and trauma for both partners.

Lack of Intimacy

Intimacy is the glue of a relationship. It is the emotional closeness, the physical touch, and the sense of being deeply known by your partner. But over time, life gets in the way. Careers, children, and routine can slowly erode that connection until you find yourselves living parallel lives—efficient at managing the logistics of a household, but strangers to each other’s internal worlds.

When intimacy fades, it leaves a specific kind of loneliness: the feeling of being alone while sitting right next to someone.

It is easy to assume this distance means the love is gone, but often, it simply means the habit of connection has been broken. Therapy offers a way to stop the drift. We move beyond the surface-level excuses (fatigue, stress, time) to understand the real mechanics of why you pulled away, and how to come back together.

In our work to restore intimacy, we will:

  • Uncover the "Protection" Strategies. Often, we withdraw not because we don't care, but because we are protecting ourselves. We will identify the resentments, the unspoken disappointments, or the fears of rejection that have caused you to build a wall between yourself and your partner.

  • Bridge the Emotional Gap. Physical intimacy rarely thrives where emotional safety is missing. We will work on clearing the air of past grievances so you can feel safe enough to be vulnerable again. This involves moving from defensive communication to honest, unedited sharing.

  • Differentiate Between Love and Desire. Love seeks safety; desire seeks aliveness. We will explore how to maintain the stability of your partnership while reintroducing the sense of mystery, curiosity, and playfulness that fuels attraction.

  • Move from Avoidance to Engagement. Waiting for the "mood to strike" is a strategy for failure. We will develop concrete, practical ways to prioritize connection in your daily life—not as a chore, but as an intentional practice of turning toward each other rather than turning away.

The goal isn’t just to stop fighting or to have more sex. The goal is to build a relationship where you feel seen, wanted, and deeply connected to the person you chose.

  • Explore what intimacy means to each partner. Does it focus on emotional connection, physical affection, or a combination of both?

  • Unpack reasons behind the lack of intimacy, such as unresolved conflicts, stress, differing needs for closeness, health conditions, or life transitions.

  • Learn how to share feelings, practice vulnerability, and nurture a deeper emotional bond.

  • Discuss desires for physical touch, address any insecurities, and find ways to make physical intimacy feel safe, pleasurable, and fulfilling.

  • Develop skills to express your needs and desires around intimacy without fear of judgment or rejection.

High-Conflict Couples Therapy

If you find yourselves in a cycle of intense arguments, criticism, and emotional reactivity, you may be considered a high-conflict couple. Traditional couples therapy approaches often aren't effective in helping these relationships and can even make things worse.

My approach to high-conflict couples therapy prioritizes de-escalation and creating a foundation of emotional safety before addressing deeper relationship issues.  My experience as a lawyer and mediator gives me a unique advantage in this area, as I'm trained in conflict resolution and skilled at helping people navigate highly charged situations.

High-conflict couples therapy requires patience and commitment from both partners. My goal is to provide you with the tools and support needed to break free from destructive communication patterns and build a healthier,  more fulfilling relationship.

Together we will focus on:

  • Teaching you both techniques to manage overwhelming emotions, calm down during heated moments, and communicate more effectively.

  • Helping you recognize the specific behaviors, words, or situations that typically trigger extreme reactions and finding ways to reduce their impact.

  • Examining the destructive patterns your arguments tend to fall into and developing alternate ways of responding that foster greater understanding.

  • Learning to recognize and appreciate each other's perspectives, even in the midst of disagreement.

  • Guiding you towards accepting the aspects of your partner that you cannot change, while also encouraging each of you to take responsibility for your own actions and contributions to the conflict cycle.

Pre-Marital Counseling

The excitement of getting married can sometimes overshadow important conversations about your future life together. Pre-marital counseling provides a dedicated space for proactive communication and addressing potential areas of conflict before they become major issues.

Pre-marital counseling is an investment in your relationship.  Think of it as a proactive step towards a strong foundation for a happy and lasting marriage.

In pre-marital counseling, I'll guide you through discussions and exercises covering:

  • Learning healthy communication patterns, practicing active listening, and developing strategies for navigating conflict in a constructive manner.

  • Discussing your financial goals, spending habits, and beliefs about money. Creating a plan for managing finances together can prevent future stress.

  • Exploring your desires regarding children, aligning on parenting values, and discussing potential scenarios you may encounter as parents.

  • Clarifying your expectations for household responsibilities, career goals, and how you envision dividing your time and energy as a couple.

  • Openly discussing your sexual needs, desires, and boundaries to foster a healthy and fulfilling sex life.

  • Exploring core values and discussing how they might shape your decisions about lifestyle, religion, and other important life choices.

Co-Parenting Post-Separation

Ending a relationship can be difficult, but when children are involved the focus shifts to creating a healthy co-parenting dynamic. This form of therapy provides support and guidance as you navigate this transition and establish a plan for successfully raising your children together, even while living apart.

I can provide strategies and tools to foster cooperation and minimize conflict for the well-being of your children.

Co-parenting therapy is about putting your children's needs first. My goal is to help you build a cooperative partnership that allows you to provide your children with love, support, and stability, even after your separation.

In co-parenting therapy, we'll focus on:

  • Learning to communicate effectively about your children's needs, schedules, and important decisions, even when there's underlying tension.

  • Developing strategies for resolving disagreements without involving the children or putting them in the middle of your disputes.

  • Establishing similar rules, expectations, and routines in both households to provide stability for your children.

  • Helping you make decisions together that prioritize the emotional and physical well-being of your children.

  • Learning to separate your personal feelings from your role as co-parents.

Discernment Counseling

Discernment counseling is designed for couples where one or both partners are unsure about the future of the relationship.  If you find yourself on the brink of separation or divorce, this structured therapy can provide clarity and direction. My goal is not to save the marriage, but instead to help you both gain a deeper understanding of your relationship patterns and make informed decisions about your future.

Discernment counseling is a brief, focused process. My aim is to help you gain the clarity and confidence needed to move forward, whatever path you ultimately choose. 

In discernment counseling, we will focus on:

  • Exploring the reasons behind your uncertainty and helping you articulate what you each want for the future.

  • Examining patterns of interaction, communication breakdowns, and unresolved conflicts within your relationship.

  • Encouraging each partner to take responsibility for their role in the relationship's challenges.

  • Weighing the pros and cons of staying together, pursuing focused couples' therapy to work on the relationship, or moving towards separation or divorce.

Separation /Divorce Counseling

The decision to end a marriage or long-term relationship is rarely easy. Separation and divorce can bring up a whirlwind of emotions – sadness, anger, guilt, and uncertainty about the future.  Therapy offers a supportive and confidential space to navigate this difficult transition and help you move forward with clarity and resilience.

Depending on your stage in the process,  we can focus on:

  • If you're considering separation, exploring your reasons, discussing the potential impact on children and finances, and developing a plan to communicate your decision to your partner.

  • Providing a safe space to process emotions like grief, loss, anger, and fear about the future.

  • Assisting with navigating the legal and financial aspects of divorce, developing co-parenting plans (if applicable), and addressing logistical issues like housing and shared property.

  • Exploring your sense of self outside of the relationship, rediscovering interests and passions, and envisioning an independent future.

  • Developing coping mechanisms for loneliness or sadness, processing unresolved feelings, and creating a vision for a fulfilling life after divorce.

Whether your goal is an amicable separation, navigating a difficult divorce process, or focusing on individual healing, I'm here to offer support, guidance, and resources as you journey through this significant life change.

Mismatched Desire

When partners have significantly different levels of sexual desire, it can cause tension, frustration, and feelings of rejection.  Mismatched desire, or desire discrepancy, is a common challenge but does not mean your relationship is doomed. Therapy provides a safe space to unpack the complexities of this issue and find solutions that work for both of you.

Often, mismatched desire goes beyond simple differences in sex drive. My goal is to help you explore the various factors that may be contributing to this imbalance, such as:

  • Major life events, career demands, and general stress can significantly impact libido.

  • Underlying medical conditions or medication side effects may affect sexual desire.

  • Resentments, unresolved conflicts, and lack of emotional connection can create distance and dampen sexual interest.

  • Exploring whether your needs and preferences around sex and intimacy are compatible.

  • Examining personal beliefs about sexuality and addressing any shame or guilt that may be present.

In therapy, we’ll work on:

  • Developing ways to talk about sex and desire in a respectful and non-judgmental manner.

  • Exploring broader forms of intimacy (emotional, physical, sensual) to foster connection and closeness.

  • Negotiating ways to meet both partners' needs and creating a balance that feels fair and satisfying.

Therapy for mismatched desire aims to help you understand the root causes, improve communication, and find a path towards greater sexual and relational satisfaction.

Non-Traditional Relationships

If your relationship falls outside of traditional societal norms (such as open relationships, polyamory, or other non-monogamous structures), you may face unique challenges. I offer a safe, inclusive, and non-judgmental space to explore your relationship dynamics and find support for building healthy, fulfilling connections.

My goal is to empower you to create and maintain the type of relationships that bring you joy and fulfillment. Whether you're exploring new relationship models, navigating challenges within an existing structure, or simply seeking understanding and affirmation, I'm here to support you.

  • Clarifying what your ideal relationship structure looks like, addressing personal fears and desires, and setting realistic expectations.

  • Developing effective communication skills and establishing clear boundaries that foster trust, security, and respect for all partners involved.

  • Working through common emotional challenges and finding healthy ways to manage jealousy, possessiveness, or insecurity that may arise.

  • Coping with potential judgment or lack of understanding from others, and building a support system that affirms your relationship choices.

  • Addressing any logistical or legal complexities that may be unique to your relationship structure.

If you're ready to prioritize your relationship, reach out for a consultation. Let's start working towards healing and a clearer path forward.

Contact Me