You can have control or you can have connection, but you cannot have both." — Terry Real

Couples Therapy

Real Work for the Life You Share

Most couples who come here are not failing. They are stuck.

Relationships hold everything. Our history, our stress, our financial disagreements, our deepest vulnerabilities, and the versions of ourselves we have never shown anyone else. We are told that love should make it easier. What nobody tells you is that long-term partnership is one of the most demanding things two people can attempt, and that struggling inside one is not evidence of failure.

Begin the Work

You love each other but you do not like each other right now. The arguments are the same ones you have been having for years and neither of you knows how to stop the cycle.

Something happened that broke the trust, and now you are trying to figure out whether what you had is still worth fighting for or whether it is already over.

The intimacy is gone, the distance has become the default, and you are not sure if you are staying because you want to or because leaving feels too hard to imagine.

This work is direct, structured, and built around one premise: understanding what is actually driving the pattern is the only thing that changes it. Not communication scripts. Not taking turns speaking. The real mechanics underneath, and what to do about them.

What to Expect

This is not a space to vent while someone nods. It is structured, active work designed to move something.

I Intervene, I Don't Just Listen

I view relationships as a dynamic system. My role is not to be a referee. It is to help you see the pattern you are caught in and give you the tools to stop it in real time, not just talk about it after the fact.

From Blame to Ownership

The biggest shift in couples work happens when both people stop focusing on what their partner is doing wrong and start looking at their own contribution to the dynamic. As long as you are waiting for your partner to change, you are stuck. Ownership is where the power is.

Experience You Can Trust

A significant part of this practice is built on referrals from couples who have seen what this work actually produces. I have worked with couples building a new foundation and couples on the brink of separation. Real change is possible in both.

Begin the Work
Conflict & Communication

Why You Keep Having the Same Fight and How to Stop

It is exhausting to feel misunderstood by the person who knows you best.

When conflict takes over, it rarely feels like a simple difference of opinion. It feels like a threat. You find yourself trapped in a loop: one of you shuts down, the other escalates. One criticizes, the other defends. You end the conversation feeling unseen, unheard, and further apart than when you started.

This is not bad communication. It is a protective cycle.

When we feel triggered, we do not act from our most grounded selves. We act from survival instincts learned early in life. These strategies worked once. Inside your relationship, they are the walls keeping you disconnected.

We Withdraw

Numbing out or walking away to avoid the heat. It feels like self-protection. To your partner, it feels like abandonment.

We Attack

Using criticism or blame to regain a sense of control. It feels justified in the moment. It leaves the other person unable to hear anything you are actually saying.

We Comply

Giving in to keep the peace while resentment builds quietly underneath. The conflict stops but nothing actually gets resolved.

My work goes beyond teaching you communication scripts. We dig into the mechanics of your conflict to dismantle the loop entirely.

How We Change It

This is structured, active work. Each session is designed to move something, not just discuss it.

Slowing Down the Reactivity

We cannot fix what we cannot catch. I help you slow down the interaction so we can identify the exact moment things go sideways. You learn to pause, regulate, and choose a response that moves toward connection rather than away from it.

Closing the Gap Between Intention and Impact

Most couples are not fighting about what they think they are fighting about. I pay close attention to tone, body language, and the unspoken energy underneath the words to help you understand what is actually being communicated and received.

Taking Accountability

Conflict transforms when you stop cataloguing what your partner is doing wrong and start looking honestly at what you are bringing to the dynamic. Accountability is not about blame. It is about recognizing that you have more power to change things than you think.

Understanding the Pattern Between You

We focus on the dynamic, not the individual. Most of what happens in conflict is relational, not personal. When you can see the pattern clearly, it stops feeling like an attack and starts feeling like something you can actually work with.

Getting to What Is Actually Going On

Underneath most conflict is an unmet need for connection. We work to uncover what you are each actually asking for, because once that becomes visible, the whole conversation changes.

Building the Capacity to Repair

Every couple ruptures. What separates the ones who make it is the ability to find their way back. We build that capacity deliberately so that when things go wrong, and they will, you both know how to move toward each other instead of further apart.

Begin the Work

Lack of Intimacy

Intimacy is the glue of a relationship. It is the emotional closeness, the physical touch, and the sense of being deeply known by your partner. But over time, life gets in the way. Careers, children, and routine can slowly erode that connection until you find yourselves living parallel lives—efficient at managing the logistics of a household, but strangers to each other’s internal worlds.

When intimacy fades, it leaves a specific kind of loneliness: the feeling of being alone while sitting right next to someone.

It is easy to assume this distance means the love is gone, but often, it simply means the habit of connection has been broken. Therapy offers a way to stop the drift. We move beyond the surface-level excuses (fatigue, stress, time) to understand the real mechanics of why you pulled away, and how to come back together.

In our work to restore intimacy, we will:

  • Uncover the "Protection" Strategies. Often, we withdraw not because we don't care, but because we are protecting ourselves. We will identify the resentments, the unspoken disappointments, or the fears of rejection that have caused you to build a wall between yourself and your partner.

  • Bridge the Emotional Gap. Physical intimacy rarely thrives where emotional safety is missing. We will work on clearing the air of past grievances so you can feel safe enough to be vulnerable again. This involves moving from defensive communication to honest, unedited sharing.

  • Differentiate Between Love and Desire. Love seeks safety; desire seeks aliveness. We will explore how to maintain the stability of your partnership while reintroducing the sense of mystery, curiosity, and playfulness that fuels attraction.

  • Move from Avoidance to Engagement. Waiting for the "mood to strike" is a strategy for failure. We will develop concrete, practical ways to prioritize connection in your daily life—not as a chore, but as an intentional practice of turning toward each other rather than turning away.

The goal isn’t just to stop fighting or to have more sex. The goal is to build a relationship where you feel seen, wanted, and deeply connected to the person you chose.

  • Explore what intimacy means to each partner. Does it focus on emotional connection, physical affection, or a combination of both?

  • Unpack reasons behind the lack of intimacy, such as unresolved conflicts, stress, differing needs for closeness, health conditions, or life transitions.

  • Learn how to share feelings, practice vulnerability, and nurture a deeper emotional bond.

  • Discuss desires for physical touch, address any insecurities, and find ways to make physical intimacy feel safe, pleasurable, and fulfilling.

  • Develop skills to express your needs and desires around intimacy without fear of judgment or rejection.

High-Conflict Couples Therapy

If you find yourselves in a cycle of intense arguments, criticism, and emotional reactivity, you may be considered a high-conflict couple. Traditional couples therapy approaches often aren't effective in helping these relationships and can even make things worse.

My approach to high-conflict couples therapy prioritizes de-escalation and creating a foundation of emotional safety before addressing deeper relationship issues.  My experience as a lawyer and mediator gives me a unique advantage in this area, as I'm trained in conflict resolution and skilled at helping people navigate highly charged situations.

High-conflict couples therapy requires patience and commitment from both partners. My goal is to provide you with the tools and support needed to break free from destructive communication patterns and build a healthier,  more fulfilling relationship.

Together we will focus on:

  • Teaching you both techniques to manage overwhelming emotions, calm down during heated moments, and communicate more effectively.

  • Helping you recognize the specific behaviors, words, or situations that typically trigger extreme reactions and finding ways to reduce their impact.

  • Examining the destructive patterns your arguments tend to fall into and developing alternate ways of responding that foster greater understanding.

  • Learning to recognize and appreciate each other's perspectives, even in the midst of disagreement.

  • Guiding you towards accepting the aspects of your partner that you cannot change, while also encouraging each of you to take responsibility for your own actions and contributions to the conflict cycle.

Pre-Marital Counseling

The excitement of getting married can sometimes overshadow important conversations about your future life together. Pre-marital counseling provides a dedicated space for proactive communication and addressing potential areas of conflict before they become major issues.

Pre-marital counseling is an investment in your relationship.  Think of it as a proactive step towards a strong foundation for a happy and lasting marriage.

In pre-marital counseling, I'll guide you through discussions and exercises covering:

  • Learning healthy communication patterns, practicing active listening, and developing strategies for navigating conflict in a constructive manner.

  • Discussing your financial goals, spending habits, and beliefs about money. Creating a plan for managing finances together can prevent future stress.

  • Exploring your desires regarding children, aligning on parenting values, and discussing potential scenarios you may encounter as parents.

  • Clarifying your expectations for household responsibilities, career goals, and how you envision dividing your time and energy as a couple.

  • Openly discussing your sexual needs, desires, and boundaries to foster a healthy and fulfilling sex life.

  • Exploring core values and discussing how they might shape your decisions about lifestyle, religion, and other important life choices.

Mismatched Desire

When partners have significantly different levels of sexual desire, it can cause tension, frustration, and feelings of rejection.  Mismatched desire, or desire discrepancy, is a common challenge but does not mean your relationship is doomed. Therapy provides a safe space to unpack the complexities of this issue and find solutions that work for both of you.

Often, mismatched desire goes beyond simple differences in sex drive. My goal is to help you explore the various factors that may be contributing to this imbalance, such as:

  • Major life events, career demands, and general stress can significantly impact libido.

  • Underlying medical conditions or medication side effects may affect sexual desire.

  • Resentments, unresolved conflicts, and lack of emotional connection can create distance and dampen sexual interest.

  • Exploring whether your needs and preferences around sex and intimacy are compatible.

  • Examining personal beliefs about sexuality and addressing any shame or guilt that may be present.

In therapy, we’ll work on:

  • Developing ways to talk about sex and desire in a respectful and non-judgmental manner.

  • Exploring broader forms of intimacy (emotional, physical, sensual) to foster connection and closeness.

  • Negotiating ways to meet both partners' needs and creating a balance that feels fair and satisfying.

Therapy for mismatched desire aims to help you understand the root causes, improve communication, and find a path towards greater sexual and relational satisfaction.

Co-Parenting Post-Separation

Ending a relationship can be difficult, but when children are involved the focus shifts to creating a healthy co-parenting dynamic. This form of therapy provides support and guidance as you navigate this transition and establish a plan for successfully raising your children together, even while living apart.

I can provide strategies and tools to foster cooperation and minimize conflict for the well-being of your children.

Co-parenting therapy is about putting your children's needs first. My goal is to help you build a cooperative partnership that allows you to provide your children with love, support, and stability, even after your separation.

In co-parenting therapy, we'll focus on:

  • Learning to communicate effectively about your children's needs, schedules, and important decisions, even when there's underlying tension.

  • Developing strategies for resolving disagreements without involving the children or putting them in the middle of your disputes.

  • Establishing similar rules, expectations, and routines in both households to provide stability for your children.

  • Helping you make decisions together that prioritize the emotional and physical well-being of your children.

  • Learning to separate your personal feelings from your role as co-parents.

Discernment Counseling

Discernment counseling is designed for couples where one or both partners are unsure about the future of the relationship.  If you find yourself on the brink of separation or divorce, this structured therapy can provide clarity and direction. My goal is not to save the marriage, but instead to help you both gain a deeper understanding of your relationship patterns and make informed decisions about your future.

Discernment counseling is a brief, focused process. My aim is to help you gain the clarity and confidence needed to move forward, whatever path you ultimately choose. 

In discernment counseling, we will focus on:

  • Exploring the reasons behind your uncertainty and helping you articulate what you each want for the future.

  • Examining patterns of interaction, communication breakdowns, and unresolved conflicts within your relationship.

  • Encouraging each partner to take responsibility for their role in the relationship's challenges.

  • Weighing the pros and cons of staying together, pursuing focused couples' therapy to work on the relationship, or moving towards separation or divorce.

Separation /Divorce Counseling

The decision to end a marriage or long-term relationship is rarely easy. Separation and divorce can bring up a whirlwind of emotions – sadness, anger, guilt, and uncertainty about the future.  Therapy offers a supportive and confidential space to navigate this difficult transition and help you move forward with clarity and resilience.

Depending on your stage in the process,  we can focus on:

  • If you're considering separation, exploring your reasons, discussing the potential impact on children and finances, and developing a plan to communicate your decision to your partner.

  • Providing a safe space to process emotions like grief, loss, anger, and fear about the future.

  • Assisting with navigating the legal and financial aspects of divorce, developing co-parenting plans (if applicable), and addressing logistical issues like housing and shared property.

  • Exploring your sense of self outside of the relationship, rediscovering interests and passions, and envisioning an independent future.

  • Developing coping mechanisms for loneliness or sadness, processing unresolved feelings, and creating a vision for a fulfilling life after divorce.

Whether your goal is an amicable separation, navigating a difficult divorce process, or focusing on individual healing, I'm here to offer support, guidance, and resources as you journey through this significant life change.

Non-Traditional Relationships

If your relationship falls outside of traditional societal norms (such as open relationships, polyamory, or other non-monogamous structures), you may face unique challenges. I offer a safe, inclusive, and non-judgmental space to explore your relationship dynamics and find support for building healthy, fulfilling connections.

My goal is to empower you to create and maintain the type of relationships that bring you joy and fulfillment. Whether you're exploring new relationship models, navigating challenges within an existing structure, or simply seeking understanding and affirmation, I'm here to support you.

  • Clarifying what your ideal relationship structure looks like, addressing personal fears and desires, and setting realistic expectations.

  • Developing effective communication skills and establishing clear boundaries that foster trust, security, and respect for all partners involved.

  • Working through common emotional challenges and finding healthy ways to manage jealousy, possessiveness, or insecurity that may arise.

  • Coping with potential judgment or lack of understanding from others, and building a support system that affirms your relationship choices.

  • Addressing any logistical or legal complexities that may be unique to your relationship structure.

If you're ready to prioritize your relationship, reach out for a consultation. Let's start working towards healing and a clearer path forward.

Contact Me