Making Time For Play, Yes, Really
Take a quick look at your calendar. It’s likely a testament to your capability—a perfectly color-coded grid of professional obligations, family logistics, personal appointments, and workouts. It is the architecture of a productive, responsible life. But allow me to ask a question: When was the last time you did something for no reason other than the sheer joy of it? When did you last engage in an activity with no goal, no metric for success, and no expected return on your investment of time?
For most adults, the answer is unsettlingly long ago. In our culture, “play” is often treated as a childish indulgence, a luxury to be earned after all the “real work” is done. But a robust and growing body of research shows this is a profound mistake. Play is not a frivolous distraction; it is a biological necessity, as critical to our well-being as sleep and nutrition.
What Exactly Is Play? (It’s Not What You Think)
The first step is to reclaim the definition of play from the kids’ table. According to Dr. Stuart Brown, a pioneering researcher and founder of The National Institute for Play, adult play is not about specific activities, but about a state of being. True play is characterized by a few key elements:
It is done for its own sake, without a specific purpose or goal.
It is voluntary and not an obligation.
It is inherently attractive and fun.
It diminishes self-consciousness and makes you lose track of time.
This means that while a competitive tennis match might be a hobby, if your primary focus is on winning and improving your rank, it may not be true play. Play is the pickup basketball game where the score doesn't matter. It’s tinkering with an old engine, learning a new instrument badly, or getting lost in a creative project. Dr. Brown identifies various "play personalities"—from the "Kinesthete" who loves movement to the "Explorer" who loves discovering new things—reminding us that play can take infinite forms.
The Extinction of Adult Play: Why We Put It on the Back Burner
If play is so essential, why is it the first thing we sacrifice? In a society that glorifies being busy, anything that doesn't look like productive work or self-improvement can feel like a waste of time. We are conditioned to seek a return on our investment, and the ROI of aimless fun is not immediately obvious.
For many of the clients I work with, this is a major hurdle. Their sense of self-worth is often deeply tied to their productivity. The idea of engaging in an activity purely for enjoyment can trigger feelings of guilt or anxiety. They see it as a "shouldn't" in a life full of "shoulds."
The Science of Play: Why Your Brain Demands It
This is not just a philosophical argument; it’s a neurobiological one. Engaging in play has measurable, profound effects on our brains and bodies.
It Reduces Stress and Prevents Burnout: Play is one of nature’s most powerful antidepressants and anti-anxiety solutions. A 2009 study found that engaging in enjoyable leisure activities helps buffer against the negative effects of stress. Play releases a cocktail of feel-good endorphins and can significantly lower cortisol levels, calming our body's stress response.
It Fosters Creativity and Brain Plasticity: Dr. Stuart Brown's research argues that play is a primary driver of creativity and innovation. Play stimulates the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s executive control center, improving our capacity for planning, problem-solving, and decision-making. It also promotes neuroplasticity, allowing our brains to form new neural connections and stay flexible and adaptive.
It Strengthens Social Bonds: When we play with others, our brains release oxytocin, often called the "bonding hormone." This neurochemical is crucial for building trust and social connection. Whether it's a board game with your partner or joining a team sport, shared play is one of the fastest ways to build and strengthen relational intimacy.
Why I Encourage My Clients to Play
In my practice, I strongly encourage—and sometimes even prescribe—play. How a person relates to play tells me a great deal about their relationship with control, perfectionism, and joy. For individuals struggling with anxiety or the immense pressure to achieve, play is not a distraction from the work of therapy; it is an essential part of it.
Reintroducing play is a way to:
Reconnect with your authentic self, outside of your demanding roles.
Practice mindfulness in a joyful way, by becoming absorbed in a present-moment activity.
Build resilience by creating a space that is free from the fear of failure.
Reignite a sense of optimism and discovery in a life that may feel rigid and routine.
The goal is to find an activity where the process, not the outcome, is the point. This week, I encourage you to schedule just 30 minutes for an activity with no purpose other than your own enjoyment. Don't try to be good at it. Don't try to optimize it. Just notice how it feels to do something for no other reason than the fact that it feels like play. That is the beginning of the work.
